| blah.. |
[ Nov-15-06 {.brittany writes.} 8::53PM] |
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mood |
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 drained |
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music |
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none |
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Here is a long drawn out speech of how I feel, if you don't want to hear me rant then its pretty simple: Don't read it.
I am tired of it all. Tired of people looking at me like I am some type of alien. I am a normal 17 year old girl, who is just trying to live her life. So, I'm gay... deal with it! I am the same girl that I have been my whole life with a girlfriend. Why am I so scared of what people think? Maybe it is because I don't want to be put in that stereotype. I am not experiencing a "phase" this is me. I hear what faculty, and even just any adult says about gay/lesbian/bi-sexuals, it's not so nice. It's out now, well I'm out now so I guess I just need to get used to everyone's opinion on the topic. I mean you can't please everyone right? I started by telling my sister (who means the world to me), and then it flew from there. But I just look forward to that graduation day when I say goodbye to all the people that are putting me through hell (no offense FTC class of '07).
Oh, and it doesn't feel too good to hear your own sister say "NO, I'm not Brittany." No she isn't Brittany, but for what reason would she want to be. I am far from perfect, people don't see beyond my titles. I may play a huge part at my school, but how does that make me perfect, it doesn't... not in the least bit.
Honestly, I don't think I can really take much more of this bullshit. I want to get away, far away from everyone, and be all alone. Everyday I come home to a house that is pretty much unpredictable. I have to ask myself, "I wonder if Chris and my mom are in a good mood today?" Even if they are I can't talk to my mom ever because all she does is snoop around trying to find something bad about me. What she doesn't know is that I am not like many teens I care so much about my education, and my social life. I would never do drugs, why waste my teenage years with a bunch of tedious actions that would get me nowhere. I can't be honest or up front with my mother about my sexuality because I am scared shitless that she will never love me the same. Maybe I should call up my drug addict father and tell him, so at least one of my parents knows. Oh yeah wait I can't because my dad doesn't give two shits about me, he only cares about getting stoned. But yeah that's like I guess. Everyone has there problems. This was just some of the few that are slapping my in the face right now.
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be skinny...
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| new account |
[ Jun-20-05 {.brittany writes.} 4::03PM] |
hey everyone i decide to make a new account! i will update that all summer! add me !!
♥ brittany
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be skinny...
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| blah! |
[ Dec-03-04 {.brittany writes.} 8::24PM] |
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mood |
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 and blah |
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hi everyone i am in a "blah" mood i think i am getting sick and it sucks ass!...everyone is at the social and i am at home...i couldn't go gr!...well w.e i dont feel like writing..
on plus bout being sick....you lose WEIGHT!
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(1) Oh what i'd do to be skinny...
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| ye0 |
[ Nov-25-04 {.brittany writes.} 7::31PM] |
hey, happy turkey day!!!
i am at my g-moms my whole family is here, i am having fun!..my nephew is the cutest fuckin thing!...i love him!
<333; brittany
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be skinny...
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| lalalalala...lol |
[ Nov-08-04 {.brittany writes.} 8::21PM] |
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mood |
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 and excited |
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hey everyone i am leaving for ouward bound tomorrow morning wish me luck!!!...leave me some fun comments to read when i get back...
lol i never new i could be so nervous and excited at the same time...lol
<3 ; britterz
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(3) Oh what i'd do to be skinny...
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| i kno i have been putting so many lyrics in but i cant help it.. |
[ Nov-05-04 {.brittany writes.} 10::28PM] |
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mood |
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music |
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whitney houston - i will always love you |
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my daddy used to sing this to me in the car when i was little...i always sang it back too..he is not here to sing to me now but i still sing it to him whther he hears me or not.....i kno i am a dork but thats how it is..
Whitney Houston
I Will Always Love You
If I
Should stay
I would only be in your way
So I'll go
But I know
I'll think of you every step of
the way
And I...
Will always
Love you, oohh
Will always
Love you
You
My darling you
Mmm-mm
Bittersweet
Memories
That is all I'm taking with me
So good-bye
Please don't cry
We both know I'm not what you
You need
And I...
Will always love you
I...
Will always love you
You, ooh
(Instrumental/Sax solo)
I hope
life treats you kind
And I hope
you have all you've dreamed of
And I wish you joy
and happiness
But above all this
I wish you love
And I...
Will always love you
I...
Will always love you
*Repeat*
I, I will always love
You....
You
Darling I love you
I'll always
I'll always
Love
You..
Oooh
Ooohhh
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(1) Oh what i'd do to be skinny...
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| DONT WE ALL FEEL THIS WAY SOMETIMES...? |
[ Nov-03-04 {.brittany writes.} 6::26AM] |
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don’t belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming
No you don’t know what it’s like
When nothing feels alright
You don’t know what it’s like to be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like
Welcome to my life
Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over?
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you’re bleeding
No you don’t know what it’s like
When nothing feels alright
You don’t know what it’s like to be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like
Welcome to my life
No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I’m happy
But I’m not gonna be ok!
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don’t know what it’s like
What it’s like!
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like (what it's like)
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
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(2) Oh what i'd do to be skinny...
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| aw...so cute |
[ Oct-31-04 {.brittany writes.} 2::44PM] |
SLOW DANCE
Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say,"hi"
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.
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be skinny...
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[ Oct-31-04 {.brittany writes.} 9::31AM] |
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mood |
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 disappointed |
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music |
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vanessa carlton - white houses' |
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Maybe I'm a little bit over my head
I come undone at the things he said
And he's so funny in his bright red shirt
We were all in love and we all got hurt
I sneak into his car's black leather seat
The smell of gasoline in the summer heat
Boy, we're going way too fast
It's all too sweet to last
My first time, hard to explain
Rush of blood, oh, and a little bit of pain
On a cloudy day, it's more common than you think
He's my first mistake
Maybe you were all faster than me
We gave each other up so easily
These silly little wounds will never mend
I feel so far from where I've been
So I go, and I will not be back here again
I'm gone as the day is fading...
I lie, put my injuries all in the dust...
CHANGED IT A LIL BUT ITS MORE ME NOW...BY THE WAY HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!
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be skinny...
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[ Oct-26-04 {.brittany writes.} 6::37PM] |
hey everyone i have not been updating b/c ive been so busy!...with soccer and school and cross country.....last night i had so much fun i hung out with kristina harple and her friend liz then we met up with nate and jim...their hook ups lol...it was so fun lo we just randomly walked everywhere lol...then i slept over kristina;s house..and we made brownie b/c it was liz's b-day! lol and we made up our try-out dance for cheerleading lool wow i dont think i made it i hope i did...but there were some real great girls there!
i dunno i want to be on the team again b/c last year i never got to experience what a good team actually is...i think it is going to be so much better this year and i want to be a part of that..well i gotta jet(lol) homework is calling my name lol
weird mood today lol i got my frigin period and i am like bipolar(sp?) when i have it lol....and it sucked i had it to try out blah!
adios!
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be skinny...
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[ Oct-15-04 {.brittany writes.} 7::21PM] |
hey everyone!.....bored as shit all alone at my house...i feel like a frigin nerd...people don't call me lol...and when i try to make plans with people they are busy..sigh
the drama in school is more intense this year....and i am doing my best to save myself the "drama"...hahahah i think FTC should be on TNT...lol sorry my dorkyness is kicking in..
i gotta go play soccer with my lil bro!!!...yay my only buddy!
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be skinny...
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[ Oct-10-04 {.brittany writes.} 1::03PM] |
i just wrote an entry friends only...i spilled out exactly how i feel about everything!..
i dont want this to start a fight..between anybody thats why i made it friends only..
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(2) Oh what i'd do to be skinny...
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| good song kinda relates to me... |
[ Oct-08-04 {.brittany writes.} 6::29PM] |
I wanted you to know
That I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain …away
I keep your photograph
And I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
You've gone away
You don't feel me here....anymore
The worst is over now
And we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There's so much left to learn
And no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away
cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away
cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone...away
You're gone away
You don't feel me here....anymore
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(4) Oh what i'd do to be skinny...
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[ Oct-05-04 {.brittany writes.} 5::37PM] |
i love how peoplethink they kno me and say all this shit about me....i wonder if they took the time to get to kno me that their perspective on me would change...? hmmmmmm
whatever thats just my oppinion but it seems like nothing o myne matters anymore...
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(2) Oh what i'd do to be skinny...
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[ Oct-04-04 {.brittany writes.} 5::28PM] |
i miss him!..everytime i see his face i feel so broken its like i feel like we should be together still...this is so hard...like the hardest part out of this all had to be realizing that we were over..
i kno i sound immature but i feel so unloved by him and everyone maybe its just me...like school grade wise i am fine but like friend wise everything feels so out of place..i dont see many of my friends and ever since he broke up with me i dont even talk to meg and rich...and sean liek always gives me dirty looks i wanna kno what i did wrong!
like should i apoligize...? omg i cant take this its like everytime i look at him (phil) my mind races i think of what i lost he is so cute....and so nice and so PERFECT...and i was not good enough for him....it all makes me feel so upset....
i feel liek all the people in my grade hate me they are all so frigin immature and it seems like its their goal to put me down...and make me feel like shit...and after the constant fights i go to lunch and my sister fights with me...its so annoying its like i cant wait for it all to be done...3 more year and i am out of that hell hole!
i am going to my soccer game..maybe i will get knocked into a coma! i hope!
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(5) Oh what i'd do to be skinny...
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[ Sep-28-04 {.brittany writes.} 7::40PM] |
hey there everyone i dont update much...dont really have the time..
this update is for kim krezel!!
she says she checked my journal and was dissapionted b/c she saw an old entry lol..
i am kinda busy with school, and soccer and cross country and being vice pres. of my class..my geometry teacher sucks she is big and fat + she smells like a dirty ass..
yea so anyways...i think i am kinda okish about the whole break up but i miss him so much it is crazy...like sometimes i just cry myself to sleep thinking about it...thinking about what we had...and what we will never have again..
i miss the way his hugs warmed me up..
i miss the way he kissed me on the lips..
i miss saying i love you before i got off the phone..
i miss the way he held my hand so tight..(as if we would never be apart)
I THINK I JUST I MISS HIM!
i kno i kno your prob. thinking what a dork but i do miss him everything i wrote was right from my thoughts...
well gotta go bye bye
</3
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(2) Oh what i'd do to be skinny...
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